Brooklyn mobster and prolific hit man Jimmy Conlon has seen better days. Longtime best friend of a mob boss, Jimmy is haunted by the sins of his past—as well as a dogged police detective who’s been one step behind Jimmy for 30 years.
Meet Howard Langston, a salesman for a mattress company is constantly busy at his job, and he also constantly disappoints his son, after he misses his son's karate exposition, his son tells Howard that he wants for Christmas is an action figure of his son's television hero, he tries hard to to make it up to him.
After teenage ambulance driver Ernest Hemingway (Chris O'Donnell) takes shrapnel in the leg during World War I, he falls in love with Agnes von Kurowsky (Sandra Bullock), a beautiful older nurse at the hospital where he's sent to recover.
Bud and Doyle are two losers who are doing nothing with their lives. Both of their girlfriends are actively involved in saving the environment, but the two friends couldn't care less about saving the Earth.
This time, a cataclysmic temblor hits Los Angeles, turning it into an island. The president views the quake as a sign from above, expels Los Angeles from the country and makes it a penal colony for those found guilty of moral crimes.
After getting into a serious car accident, a TV director discovers an underground sub-culture of scarred, omnisexual car-crash victims who use car accidents and the raw sexual energy they produce to try to rejuvenate his sex life with his wife.